What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 28.06.2025 06:18
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Prayers Pouring In After Fatal Car Accident Involving Ohio State Football Legend - Yahoo Sports
Put me off passion for life!!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Video: Digital Foundry Delivers Its Cyberpunk 2077 Tech Review On Switch 2 - Nintendo Life
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Kevin Durant stat sheet: 15 key numbers after deal to Rockets - NBA
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Would this be the day?
Where can I get sure fixed matches on Instagram?
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
All the time i was locked up.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Why Some People Hear Better in Noise Than Others - Neuroscience News
I was 9 years of age.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Was to survive, this bastard.
This is soul school!.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Cycling Linked to Lower Risk of Dementia, Study of Half a Million Finds - ScienceAlert
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I will be 64.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
20M Eggs Recalled Amid Salmonella Outbreak - Newser
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I think the readers, may guess!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Most-complete Stegosaur skull ever found forces rewrite of dinosaur history - Earth.com
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Secret leprosy infected the Americas before European arrival - DW
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
My family never makes their pension either.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
And i lived it daily.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
What did i know ?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
So whats the point in blame.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
We all went to grammer schools
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I waited trembling.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I could never make a relationship work though!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
We were not on the streets..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
It was going to be , some day.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I was scared of men, in general
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I was very sick at this time too.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I don,t even have a pension.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
She loved him until the end.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
As i do to all so called friends.?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She married twice! .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I have no regrets .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I never cut or harmed myself..
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He knew the spot.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Who then, do I blame.?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
She was in good health!
I write beautiful poetry .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I couldn’t, believe it.
When she asked me how she looked .
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Ive learnt so much.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Im still living with it.
I said to her
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Comes on , in middle age.
One cannot live in the past .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She found it foreign!.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
(And it was in our own minds.)
She wouldn,t have been !
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But, we were locked up after school.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
My life is so biszare .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
But it wasn’t much.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He resisted the act ,that day.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
So, i spoilt her more .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I was seconnd youngest,
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.